if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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