During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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