I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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