You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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