I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize