if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
