So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
