This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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