I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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