I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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