So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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