i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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