I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
