those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
