fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
