3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
