How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
