Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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