i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
