I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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