Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize