im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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