In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
