you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
