i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
