Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
