you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
