Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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