mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
