even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize