dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
