My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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