so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
