Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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