Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
