just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
