tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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