Got a toothbrush?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
