Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We just shotgunned beers for America
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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