im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude. I can hear the air.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
