Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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