Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
