Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
