you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we're so committed to being not committed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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