I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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