We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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