So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
