nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You left your phone here
Wait...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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