Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
