Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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