Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
no, he came in my armpit
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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