I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there's paper in my vomit.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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