I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
