Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
