The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
