season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
