...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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