He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
