Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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