I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
