I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were destined to go to rehab together
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
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