There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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