wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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