I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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