Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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