I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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