I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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