I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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