Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think i have two assholes
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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