I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
