So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
