I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
